On being open

I mentioned how terrified I was of writing about my upbringing in my last post, and its something I’ve been thinking about on and off since then. Being open about this stuff is hard:-

    • The stigma and fear of stigma is terrible.
    • The internalised shame and stigma was (and still is) even worse for me.
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    Depression and anxiety lie to you about everything, and its hard to ignore those voices. Trying to be open about your feelings and thoughts when you’ve got a litany of all the ways you’re annoying people and minimizing all your symptoms is hard. Throw the fear of stigma into the mix and you may as well ask me to hold up the earth.

    It made therapy hard. The day I managed to share my fears about burdening my therapist to my therapist was one of my breakthrough sessions. Its nice to be validated that this is how anxiety works, and to be reassured and it gave us a solid point to work on.

    The thing about anxiety is giving in only makes it stronger. Breaking the anxiety cycle of doing the scary thing (even if it goes wrong and especially if some of your fears come to pass!) and surviving it is how to start moving through it.

    Reminding myself of this and of how every single blog post, podcast and talk I’ve read or listened to has been a call to action is my motivation for this series of posts. I can do this, I should do this.

    So here I am, doing it. And I’m not the only one. Geek Mental Help Week is this week! If you can, come and join us. Maybe tweet a thing. Or re-tweet a thing. Maybe sit with the knowledge that you’re not alone. Maybe reach out to friends, even if its just because. Check in. Be kind to each other and yourselves <3